The boss wants your finished report on New Year's Eve.
The toy store forgot to hold your child's video game-the one Santa promised.
The weird brother-in-law just rolled up your driveway-with five suitcases.
And a dog.
(These are the parts they leave out of the greeting card commercials.)

Each year, millions of Americans set themselves up for anxiety and depression during the holidays. The biggest culprit? Trying to do everything for everybody.

"Everybody goes into warp-drive starting after Thanksgiving," says Dr. Deborah Pearson, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at The University of Texas Medical School at Houston. "We stretch ourselves too thin with unrealistically high expectations of what we think the holidays ought to be like."

Don't Become 'The Griswolds'

The movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation isn't so funny when the script seems to be ripped from pages of your life.

The idea of having one big happy family together for the holidays just might not happen. Old grudges and wounds can spoil a joyful time. So, put aside petty squabbling and use the holidays to put aside differences.

"The holidays make our normal feelings more intense. We may be more emotionally reactive-sadder and angrier than usual in certain situations. If you're dealing with relatives you really don't want to see, try to make the best of it," Pearson says. "Don't use the time to bring back unresolved issues. It not only will stress you out, but your children, too. Let it go."

If you have lost a family member since the last holiday season, try to process the grief and support each other. "The holidays trigger painful reminders of loss," Pearson says. "If this is your first Christmas without Grandma, try focusing on the wonderful memories of her."

It's all about a proper and reasonable perspective. Yes, you can deal with that irritating cousin, Pearson says. "Just imagine being a soldier in Iraq who may not be coming home for the holidays. Focus on the positive."

Keep the Best Traditions

If that wonderful Christmas of 1971 is all you can think of, think again. Don't try to slavishly recreate the perfect holiday. Pearson recalls her mother, a stay-home mom, transforming their house into a winter wonderland when Pearson was a child. "I can't do that," she adds, "but I try to preserve certain traditions for my family like decorating the house on a smaller scale."

If you enjoy sending holiday greeting cards but don't have the time or patience, Pearson says consider typing address labels rather than hand-addressing each envelope. "Your family won't be hurt if they get a labeled envelope."

It's Not All About Me

Giving really is as good as getting. Pearson says the reward of giving to others is an invaluable way not only to build your child's character, but also to exemplify the true meaning of this season.

When her son, John, was only 2 years old, Pearson taught him the importance of doing something for others. Every Christmas, Pearson's family donates toys to children of incarcerated parents through a prison ministry. "Ever since he was a little kid, we have taught John the importance of helping others. Now he's eight and he still knows that we'll be shopping for a child whose mom is in prison."

Holiday Stress Busters

Pearson offers some tips to help make the season merry and bright:

• Set a budget. Next year, set aside a certain amount of money and stick with it. You don't want to be broke in January.
• Shop online. Get those gifts dropped off at your door without all the chaos of mall and street traffic.
• Cater your holiday spread. Supermarkets and cafeterias can be lifesavers. Just call ahead to talk menus and prices.
• Potluck your holiday spread. If you're on a tight budget or schedule, let the family pitch in and prepare a few dishes.
• Hire a babysitter. Remember, high school students are also out of school for the holiday break and make great babysitters. And, consider hiring within by recruiting a nephew or niece. It'll keep them occupied, too and employed.
• Call on grandparents. Take advantage of in-town parents as sitters, if they are willing and able. Everybody benefits.
• Arrange play dates for your children. Get together with five other families and agree to stay home for one day. You'll buy yourself a week. Plus, the children will be busy and happy and won't say, "I'm bored."
• Get out of the house. Work off the stress by taking your family to the zoo, a children's museum, a movie or a holiday pageant.
• Don't be afraid to ask for time alone. One long bath or an hour running errands alone must be negotiated somehow. (The kids might love an afternoon with your weird brother-in-law.)
• Join in fun activities with your children. Take up some arts and crafts and games. A good Web site to check out is www.christmas-activities.com.
• Teach your children to think of others. Have them make homemade greeting cards to friends and relatives. They can even send a message of cheer to soldiers in Iraq online at www.operationdearabby.net.

Last Updated: 12-20-2004

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